Monday, March 30, 2009

March 29th

I did it. I gave a keynote speech at a fundraiser for WOW...Wisdom of Women. I was so blown away by the support I had. Avishek was there to videotape the speech and take still photos (it was fun having him call me Dr J) and Patty was there to handle the USANA display table and cheer me on. It was incredible to share my journey with others. At moments in the speech, people would wipe a tear from their eye and at other moments they would laugh. I love interacting with the audience. The speech was titled, "from the streets to the podium" but I added in bits and pieces about the audience members and about the venue. The speech wasn't perfect, but it did touch people and inspire them.

I have got to find a way to do this more often!

Friday, March 27, 2009

March 28th

There are times when I feel so very alone on this journey. Trying to figure out what to eat, when all around me I see advertisements for fast food or I get invited to join my friends for 'beer and wings'. Damn it! Why did I let my body get into this mess? I miss the laughter and commraderie of my friends sitting around a table with plates of nachos and wings being passed around and a nice tall pint of Guiness in front of me. I know what I need to do...but it is hard. If I were to speak to a couple of these people in private and let them in on what I am doing, they would probably support me enough to at least not pass the food in front of me...but I also know it would make others feel uncomfortable about eating in front of me...and I don't trust myself enough yet to not cave in and start munching.

Isn't it interesting that when I think about relaxing with my friends, it always seems to involve food. Come to think of it, most social interaction in our society seems to involve food. What is this obsession we seem to have with stuffing our faces with calories we really don't need?

I so much want physical freedom. I want to be able to move with ease and to have so much energy that I can easily do everything I set out to do each day. I want to be able to take long walks by the waterfront without hurting...and I want to be able to give speeches and conduct workshops without the agonizing pain in my knees.

I think it is time for a good cry.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

March 26th

Okay...I am really hurting! I just spent 3 hours tonight on my feet, jumping up and down, keeping order, interviewing people...and having a blast! I was the chairperson of the Division A toastmasters contests. I do love being in front of an audience! But my body is not yet able to keep up. My knees really hurt!!!!! I can't wait until I finally have the physical freedom to be able to do this kind of thng and just feel tired afterward without hurting so much! And you know what...they were serving pizza and cookies..and I didn't have a bite of it...I didn't feel tempted at all! It is amazing how incredible it feels not to be controled by carb cravings!!!!!

Okay...I really need to have a shower and climb into bed. Another incredible day along my journey toward health.

March25

What a life! I hadn't realized before how much my wacky hours affect my health...but I am now finding out. I needed to stay up the last two nights to finish one of the on-line lessons I am putting together (neuroscience course) and it has shifted my entire habits. To do the audio portion, I need to wait until the building is very, very quiet (I can't afford a sound studio) so that means I don't start recording until 1 am....and I get to bed around 5 or 6 am...so I then sleep until 10 or 11 am. I just am not feeling all that well with this schedule..although it is the schedule I lived with for the last year. I guess I have been getting used to sleeping at 'normal' hours lately and getting more than 4 hours of sleep a night. I must say that at 4 am the urge to have a coffee is huge.

But I survived it. I still haven't had any coffee and I am still sticking to the 'food program'. But I feel bloated and out of synch. I guess all those studies are right about how sleep cycles have a large effect on our health.

This is a big week for me. Lots of public speaking opportunities. I realized this week how much I love public speaking but before I started the RESET program, my legs, knees, feet and back would ache so badly after an hour or so that I really stopped attending events. It wasn't until today that I just realized the pain from my arthritis seems to be very much reduced. I had learned to live with pain for so long that I hadn't realized when it had gone. I had been taking 2 extra strength ibuprofen every 4 hours just to be able to move around but except for the day of the major caffeine-withdrawl headache, I haven't taken any at all...but have been extra busy with speaking engagements all week.

Wow.

Monday, March 23, 2009

March 22nd...a tough day

Ever had one of those days when nothing seemed to go right? Well that was today. I did manage to stick to the program as far as food goes but everything else seemed to totally irritate me. I missed church this morning because I couldn't get my act together in time. I didn't leave enough time to eat my proper breakfast, do my exercises, check my email, soak my toe (I had toe surgery two weeks ago and am supposed to be soaking it in salt water morning and night)and take 1/2 hour for meditation. I don't like to miss church. Then I ended up spending 8 hours in front of the computer catching up on work that I should have gotten done during the week but did't manage it. My apartment is a mess...I like a very clean home; my laundry hasn't been done; none of my friends were home today...left voice messages; and worse of all, I really, really wanted to take a long walk along the boardwalk and watch the waves wash in on this bright spring day; but I was stuck behind the computer...again!

I did manage to visit with a very special senior tonight as I do every Sunday night. She does help me to feel better and she is such a sweet soul. As I was sitting there with her over a cup of tea, I realized she was the first person I had actually spoken to all day. And then just to be a rebel, instead of coming home and cleaning my apartment, I took myself out to a movie (I Love You, Man). Now I have to get a bit of cleaning done before I can head to bed.

Okay...the worse part of all...even though this is supposed to be a journey towards health, I was really disappointed to see that I had not lost any more weight. I do feel better; my aches and pains are less; I have more energy; I feel more in control; but I do really like the side effect of weight loss. It seems that since I started adding in "real" meals, the weight loss has lessene. Okay...I know that 13.4 pounds is a lot to lose in one week. But when I saw no weight loss over the last couple of days, I did feel down and frustrated. It almost made me feel like skipping a meal...but I didn't.

I need to get away from using the scale to determine my mood. I need to focus on my health and trust my body to let go of the fat at a rate it can manage. I will contact people in my support team tomorrow and ask them for help.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

March 21st...near disaster!

Okay...I knew I was going to have to sit through a 5 hour meeting today, from 10 am until 3 pm and that the only food available was going to be high calorie stuff...so I prepared accordingly. I had my proper, healthy breakfast and then took an energy bar and a nutrimeal shake with me..all I had to do was add water. I thought I was all set. I avoided the coffee (and the coffee shops on the way to the meeting), avoided the 'snacks' (mini cinnimen buns, fruit flavored yogurt, candy, and cookies), and avoided the fruit drinks. I drank water. I had my snack at 11 am...so far so good. Lunch was at 1 pm. They provided salmon salad, egg salad, and chicken salad sandwiches...made with white bread...ugh! Now I love to eat salmon salad...but instead I had my nutrimeal shake (yummy chocolate flavor) and a small mini orange and a couple of carrot sticks. I was full and feeling fine. But then a friend called and asked if I could meet him to discuss some information he found at the Holistic Show that was in town...so instead of going home at 3 pm, I went across town. I didn't get home until 6:30 pm...by which time I was cold, tired, and very hungry. The last thing I really wanted to do was cook something but I wanted food...now!!!!!!!! I had visions of stopping at MacDonalds on the way home...or any other fast food place...but I didn't. Okay. Fast food wasn't an option...so what did I have in the fridge that I could eat really soon and in very large quantities? I grabbed an energy bar (yummy peanut butter) and munched on it as I got out some skinless chicken and stuck it in the microwave (yes, I know I shouldn't use a microwave...but I was desperate). While that was cooking, I prepared a plate of salad (what! where were the carbs and fats?) and as soon as the chicken was cooked, I plunked it down on the salad and started eating. I really didn't think this was going to satisfy my hunger by a long shot. At first I took big mouthfuls...but then a funny thing happened. I started to move the chicken out of the way so that I could get at the salad. Now this is very weird for me since I used to love to eat meat before anything else (and sometimes instead of anything else). I started eating more slowly and by the time I was finished, I was feeling full...but not stuffed...and there was one piece of chicken still on the plate.

Wow. What a strange experience.

March 20th

Okay..it really is March 21st because it is 1:18 am where I live but it is the end of the day. I just got home from seeing a movie and I am actually tired. I am also proud of myself. Did I have popcorn at the movie? Definitely! But the medium bag of popcorn did not have any butter on it and I had a bottle of water with it. That may not sound like much to be proud of but compare that to what I usually eat at a movie; a large bag of popcorn with layered butter, a large diet coke and peanut M&M's. So good job Joan!!!!!

Also today...I discovered something funny about myself. It was one of those moments when you just have to take a step back and watch yourself. Today was the day I got to add in a low glycemic lunch and I had planned on having a great big salad and some fish. But I got absorbed in my work and didn't realize that I missed lunch time. So by 2 pm I was really hungry but found myself really frustrated and irritated with having to take time away from work to put the salad together and cook the fish. I just wanted to grab a USANA shake instead but I didn't want to ruin the plan. So I grumbled and complained to myself and finally got it put together...and then realized how totally bored I am with just sitting and eating. I realized that I am a 'grazer'. I like to eat bites of food in between working on the computer. It took me over half an hour to eat my salad and fish! This only seems obsurd when you realize I am a champion at eating very, very fast without a lot of bites. So even though I started out hungry, I ended up giving myself time between bites to check in and feel what was happening in my body. Wow! I am learning new things every day.

Oh..the totals for the 5 days of the RESET...13.2 pounds less and over 3,000 steps walked each day...and I am feeling better than ever.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

March 19th

The end of a very long day and I am tired...but I am not exhausted. And for the first time in a very long time, I didn't have a nap tonight. Let me explain...I usually can only sleep for 4 hours during the night and get up about 7 am...and then end up exhausted by 5 pm and have a 1 hour nap and then stay up until about 3 am. But that seems to be shifting. I actually obtained 6 hours of sleep last night and didn't have a nap this evening (didn't really have time to). Day 5 of the RESET pragram is complete. Tomorrow I add in a low glycemic lunch. I walked a total of 3046 steps today (as measured on my pedometer).

I had my first real temptation today. I met Patty (one of my support persons) at Starbucks tonight before a meeting. Now, you need to understand...when I give talks to small groups, they usually give me a giftcard as a thankyou...and they know me well enough to always give me a giftcard from one of the coffee companies such as Starbucks, Second Cup or Tim Hortons...that is how much I hang around coffee shops. There are a few shops around town that know me and my order well enough to start preparing it before I even order...a venti mocha with skim milk, half the syrup and no whip cream...and of course at least one 'treat' (expresso brownie or oat/fudge bar at least).

So I am in Starbucks waiting for Patty and I know I have at least 1/2 hour to wait. This of course, is more than enough time to scarf down a treat or two and finish my coffee drink. Very, very tempting. I love the smell of Starbucks and the chatter of the people and the fact that I can sit for 1/2 hour and check my email, read a book or just people watch while I drink coffee and eat high calorie treats. BUT I didn't order my 'regular' drink. I had a grande earl grey tea...without any milk and of course without any sugar...and no treats! I did have a USANA nutreo energy bar with me just in case the temptation was too great...but I was fine! I wasn't hungry and I wasn't craving anything. I sipped my tea and waited...feeling very proud of myself.

Life is good.

March 18, 2009 End of Day

Okay…the end of the day. Busy, busy, busy…just like everyone else! Had a great day today...using a pedometer now to count the number of steps I take (at least it is a start towards exercise) and I reached 3018 steps today! Not bad for someone who can’t do stairs. Had a bit of trouble making time to each lunch today…got busy and wasn’t hungry (now that is new) but did fit it in.

Okay…I promised to disclose what I am learning from my research…and why these findings have made me very excited about this journey. So let’s get started. First, USA Today states that obesity is a worldwide epidemic with 65% of adults in North America being overweight or obese; so at least I am not alone. Of course, part of the research revealed the obvious conclusion that food plans that are balanced (include carbs, proteins, and fats) are essential for good health. But the question then became, “what particular carbs, proteins and fats are important”?

I have been wondering for quite a few years now why it seems I put on weight so quickly while other people don’t (just smelling donuts seems to add pounds to my butt). Well, part of the problem is that I have becoming increasingly insulin resistant. Insulin is a hormone in the body that is required to move glucose into the cells. Insulin is released from beta cells in the pancreas and is triggered when glucose levels rise in the blood…which occurs after we eat food. The higher the increase in glucose; the more insulin released. Glucose is a sugar molecule that feeds our body. Carbohydrates are foods that contain long chains of sugars. Glucose spikes (fast increases in blood glucose levels) occur from foods that are quickly broken down into sugars. These foods are usually the fast foods and processed foods and include breads, flour, rice, cereals and potatoes. These spikes stimulate high insulin release. The more we eat these foods, the more insulin we produce and the harder the beta cells in the pancreas work. The more insulin floating around in our blood stream, the more the cells are bombarded with it. The cell’s natural reaction is to become insensitive to the insulin. It’s kind of like having someone yelling at you all the time…eventually you just tune them out so no matter how loud or often they yell, you just don’t hear them anymore. The more insulin resistant a cell is, the higher the concentration of insulin it will take to effectively more glucose into the cells. This of course, sets up a vicious cycle of having to produce more and more insulin…and crave more and more carbohydrates. Type 2 diabetics are usually insulin resistant. They make huge quantities of insulin…but the cells are no longer paying attention. So these people have a high blood insulin level and a high blood glucose level because the glucose can’t get into the cells. If they can keep the glucose levels from spiking, through a disciplined diet, then they can function. Eventually, the beta cells become exhausted and stop functioning and this person will then need to take insulin into their bodies through pills or needles. So I am pre-diabetic…meaning I have high insulin levels but my glucose levels are still within normal range…my cells are building up an insulin resistance but for now, they are still sensitive enough to allow the high insulin levels to move the glucose into the cells.

Which leads me to my next breakthrough…glycemic index (GI). This is something developed in 1981 by Dr. David Jenkins. It is a measure of how quickly our bodies are able to absorb long chains of sugars that make up carbohydrates. The way the scientists measured this is to see how quickly foods caused the blood glucose levels to rise compared to consuming straight glucose. The faster the food made the glucose levels rise, the higher the rating on the index. So the foods I mentioned earlier (the ones that are broken down and absorbed faster after we eat) have a high score on the glycemic index. Again, these foods are usually the fast foods and processed foods and include breads, flour, rice, cereals and potatoes. Fruits and vegetables (for the most part) however, have a low score because they take longer to be absorbed into our bodies. Usually, the glycemic index is extremely good at predicting the food’s insulin index but there are a few exceptions in which a low glycermic index results in a high insulin index (such as dairy foods and to some highly palatable energy-dense "indulgence foods"). Some foods (such as meat, fish, and eggs) that contain no carbohydrate, just protein and fat (and essentially have a GI value of zero), still stimulate significant rises in blood insulin.
GI values can be interpreted intuitively as percentages on an absolute scale and are commonly interpreted as follows:
Classification GI range Examples
Low GI 55 or less most fruit and vegetables (except potatoes, watermelon), grainy breads, pasta, legumes/pulses, milk, products extremely low in carbohydrates (fish, eggs, meat, nuts, oils), brown rice
Medium GI 56 - 69 whole wheat products, basmatic rice, orange, sweet potato, table sugar, most white rices (eg, jasmine),
High GI 70 and above corn flakes, baked potato, watermelon, croissant, white bread, extruded cereals (eg, Rice Krispies), straight glucose (100)
A low GI food will release glucose more slowly and steadily. A high GI food causes a more rapid rise in blood glucose levels and is suitable for energy recovery after endurance exercise or for a person with diabetes experiencing hypoglycemia.
Like anything else in life, this is not a cut and dried sure-thing situation. There are many criticisms to solely using the GI to determine which foods to eat. For example, the glycemic index is significantly altered by the type of food, its ripeness, processing, the length of storage, cooking methods, and its variety. The glycemic response is different from one person to another, and even in the same person from day to day, depending on blood glucose levels, the degree of insulin resistance, and other factors. The glycemic index of one food may be affected by the other foods eaten with it. High-glycemic-index foods may have a low carbohydrate content, and low-glycemic-index foods may have a high carbohydrate content.
So what does this all mean? Well, the obvious conclusion is that a food plan that is balanced and contains mostly low glycemic foods (or very small quantities of high GI foods) is best. But it also means that people with a high degree of insulin resistance start off at a distinct disadvantage with high insulin levels that lead to carb cravings. I have spent a lifetime forming habits that grab for quick food fixes…and the advertisements and easy accessibility to these foods doesn’t help. So if I am to move successfully towards health, I am going to have to get rid of the carb cravings, becoming educated on what foods are best for me, and learn new habits. Okay…so now I have a basis of facts to build a game plan.

That is why I chose to use the USANA RESET program to literally reset my body away from carb cravings using low glycemic foods and help prepare me for a positive and effective journey towards health. I will talk about the USANA program in the next blog and I will also include some bizarre information I have gathered regarding MSG.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Beginning

Yes, that is really a picture of me taken just a couple of days ago! I am a beautiful, incredible woman who has a great deal yet to do in this lifetime...and I need the physical stamina and freedom to do so. I am on day 4 of the USANA RESET program and I am loving it. I am feeling more energetic and I am not hungry...and no more carb cravings! Oh...and a side effect is that in the last 4 days, I have lost a total of 9.8 pounds (which is probably mostly water at this point...but it is a start).

I have tried almost every diet...from eating only cabage soup or grapefruits, Atkins, South Beach, Dr. B, WeightWatchers, TOPS, cleansing diets...you name them...I have tried them and been successful at removing excess fat from my body on a number of occasions. For example, I lost over 160 pounds two years ago (110 of it on WeightWatchers)...only to gain 100 pounds of it back again. It is frustrating, demoralizing, depressing and disempowering. It seemed as long as I obsess about every bite I put in my mouth and have strict disciplinary control, I am successful but as soon as I start focusing on other areas of my life which are just as important...such as relationships, family, career, spirituality, and finances, the weight creeps back on.

Is it because I am "emotionally eating"? I delved into this aspect and did uncover some 'habits' I have (such as eating late at night when what I really want and need is a hug) and decided to find more constructive ways to deal with this (no...picking up guys in the bar for one night stands has never been the solution...lol). I now ‘phone a friend’ or spend some quite time getting to know myself (building a deeper relationship with myself…which has been rather fun). This has been very good for me but it doesn’t stop the cravings and hunger for high calorie junk food. I actually have learned to enjoy fruits and vegetables…but still crave the junk food and fast food. I would chastise myself for not having the discipline necessary to pass up all that easily obtainable fast food I see around me all the time. As a scientist (yes, I do have a PhD…fat people really are not stupid), I decided to research this area more thoroughly and try to figure out why I have such cravings and am constantly hungry. What I am uncovering about my body and about the foods I am putting into it is rather startling...at least to me!

I have been told by my doctor that I am 'pre-diabetic'; which means I have very high insulin levels in my blood. Most of my siblings have type 2 diabetes as did my father. Most of my siblings also have a great deal of other health problems related to being overweight, such as high blood pressure, joint and muscle pain, high cholesterol levels, other heart problems, breathing problems...the list goes on. My only major health problem are my joints. I managed to break my left knee 20 years ago when I was supper skinny (yes, I do tend to obsess) and have since had 5 knee operations (3 on the left, and 2 on the right) and have developed arthritis in the joints. So my knees are shot. And I am starting to feel the arthritis in other weight-baring joints. Other than that, I am quite healthy...so far...but if I continue the way I am going, some of these problems are inevitable.

I used to hate my body...I used to be so angry with it for being so fat and ugly. I would hate it for being hungry and craving fast food...and I would punish it by starving for a few days...just to prove that I could. But the funniest thing is, my body is the only thing that has been there for me all my life. Wherever I go...there I am! My body has seen me through eveything I have stuffed into it...and it is still there...trying to do its best to keep me alive and to do the things I make it to do. And what have I done in return? I have not exercised it properly (binge exercising...weekend warrior...more on that later); I have stuffed it with 'treats' that are not treats to it at all. It puts a great deal of stress on my body to digest huge quantities of unnessesary carbs...and it needs healthy alternatives...but I 'treat' myself with foods I do not need. It is time to forgive myself and love my body. To thank it for all its support and to care for it. It is part of me and a part that deserves love and nurturing.

So what did I uncover in my research about these cravings that I have? If it isn't just 'emotional eating', what is it? I will address this topic in my next blog! Watch for it tonight!